All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
