About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Shame - the story of my life.
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