I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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