I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
