Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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