I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
