So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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