I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Never joke about your clitoris.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
