bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
