Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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