farters have to be the big spoon...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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