I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
