Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
