I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We don't watch enough power rangers
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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