I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
