That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
