hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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