Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
