i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
