do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
