i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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