you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
