and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize