ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
