If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
