i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
