I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
