Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
