do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize