im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
