Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
