he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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