i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
