the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
