So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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