That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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