he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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