you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
