Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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