I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
