From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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