I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
