Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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