never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
