My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize