so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
