so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I believe in your delicious
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
