I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
