Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
