Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
