And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
