he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
