My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
