p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
