I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
