I hate your face
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
