Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You were trust falling into bushes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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