U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize