I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
