don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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