On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
