Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The uberlube is also flammable
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize