you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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