yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
