I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
