I think I died a long time ago.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
only if we run a train.
done.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
