I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
where are my eyebrows?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
