I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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