It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wear drunk well.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
