oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
