miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
