I think my vagina is haunted
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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