I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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