make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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